Oh Scott. My heart hurts thinking about all of this. But I've been meaning to share something (waiting til I could write eloquently about it...... but this will do for now.)
During a breathwork event with you..... I had the most amazing revelations. A series of things I already knew that floated across a black visual space and fell in place, fitting together like puzzle pieces.
1. I was a middle school teacher for years and loved it. But it is filled with bullying and drama. Parents would often get pretty freaked out by things their kids did or said. I didn't excuse hurtful behavior. But I did explain a lot of it like this: We hit a point around middle school age where we are learning about our power and control. That we can elicit various responses from others with our words and actions. We learn to manipulate. Often through bullying. We test to see how far those powers can go. How far our power can reach. It's awful and painful and very often wrong. It needs adults to step in. But it is also natural. And developmental. And even a little bit necessary as we learn to manage the world around us. And then later our empathy and critical thinking and emotional intelligence catches up..... and we bully less. Well, at least most of us do. Or at least we fine tune it into types of manipulation that are more socially acceptable and less obviously hurtful to others.
This was one of the puzzle pieces. Here was another. The one that caught me off guard.
2. America is young compared to other countries. Humans are young compared to other species. And we have made it through the baby/ toddler/ childhood stages. We are holding our own. Making it through. Building. Creating. Often even cooperating.
But MAYBE we have hit the "middle school" phase of development. As Americans or humans. The place where we have reached an apex of our bullying ability. The height of "how hard can I push" or "how much can I get." Maybe this is where we are in our evolution. A shitty place. A rough place. A challenging and frustrating place. But also a temporary place.
3. I LOVE MY MIDDLE SCHOOL KIDS! They are obnoxious. Outrageous. So often they are just wrong. But there they are trying to figure it out. Pushing. Hurting. Getting hurt. LEARNING how it all works. Not quite able to show enough compassion. Not yet. But I know that will come after we get through this stinky time. (Seriously ..... this age group even smells bad!)
4. So..... (And Scott, you have taught me this more than anyone else.) If this is who we are right now. Who we are surrounded by right now. This bullying pubescent space. Then maybe I can love them (us) for who they (we) are. And maybe I can trust that we will grow through and out of this phase. That empathy will come. Critical thinking will come. Maturity will come. Love and peace and goodness will come.
5. The last of the floating puzzle pieces I will share for today. My son wants to be a palenotologist. So all of his life (most of mine) we have been learning about dinosaur timelines. Time lines measured by millions and billions of years. Species that have emerged and grown and dominated and faded away. Vanished, only to be replaced by something new. Something that is "better" in one way or another. So I am recognizing that the timeline of my middle school analogy might be long. Maturing out of this space might not happen in my lifetime. Or my kids. In this moment during our breating experience - I felt like it might not even be humans! Maybe it will be whatever comes after us. Whatever comes next. Because in the total universal timeline, to think we are the ultimate creation is horribly vain.
The arc of the moral universe is long. So long. Longer than we can imagine. The sad news is we may have to recognize that it is so long that we may not see it bend. The good news is that it is so long that I have to believe it WILL eventually bend.
So many more thoughts..... really must try to put this together better. In my mind and on paper. But I wanted to share these after reading your message today.
So much love to you, Scott. It's a drop in the bucket. But the love that you share and I share and we share..... It matters. It makes a difference in the universe. That we must believe.
This is incredible synchronicity, because just a few moments before this post arrived in my mailbox, I was telling my friend a very similar thing - that I don't know anymore how to live in this world where humans never stop hurting humans. I used to find peace of mind and the presence of love more easily. Recently my mind seems to be in incessant turmoil, and I'm feeling a kind of exhaustion and confusion I haven't experienced before.
What was my friend's advice: that he thinks the important thing is to focus on how I want to live, because I am not responsible for the whole world. And to create and value connections with fellow humans, since that's what we truly need as species.
Truly, our hearts don't lie when they speak to us in so many ways, quiet or loud, about what we really want in life, what gives us joy, what makes us feel right from the core. I believe that the tragedy of the human race is that so many of us have had this inherent connection to self severed while still very young, by older humans who were also wronged and disconnected from their own hearts. Why is it easier to put out someone's light than to accept one's own? Why have we come to trust what we've been told over what we feel?
I hope that amidst heartbreak I will somehow find enough acceptance to go on, and the way of being that aligns with my heart's longings.
Thanks for sharing such a heartfelt reflection, Matylda. Yes, I too feel the answer (at least one answer) is to sink more deeply into the wisdom of our hearts. There, it is only love that guides us. So much love to you. 💜🙏💜
Dearest Scott: Thank you so much for speaking what is inside of many hearts and minds. When I see the extremes of fear and control from humans, I remember that it was actually cooperation that kept our species going hundreds of thousands of years ago. The key was the small group, the trusted tribe. Anyone outside the trusted tribe was subject to violence from a perception (real or imagined) of defense.
Everyone attacks to defend from their point of view. Eventually, after agriculture, we began to think of the trusted tribe as the trusted political and cultural basis of the nation. We seem to have gotten stuck there in all sorts of ways. We have had alliances, but mostly with other cultures that are more like ours. In some respects, nationalism makes us fearful on a larger scale, is all. So, we have broadened our empathic horizons, but not nearly far enough. As you point out, though, as individuals, we can only model love as best we can. The future for the collective still remains for the making.
Mm yes. Thank you Scott. We are a part of nature, but - as far as we understand - the only species that sits and thinks about our nature. To me that creates a duty to love, regardless of the outcome. Francis Weller in my grief ritual class talks about this time ahead as the Long Dark. And while that is a scary thought, it also can be a descent into the soul. We have to travel through darkness to get there, and hopefully more of our fellow species will accept the invitation to journey.
Thanks for the reflection, Ash. I was just introduced to Frances Weller's work and the Long Dark. Yes, let it sink us with even more commitment into our hearts, into love. Lots of love to you. 💜🙏💜
Oh Scott. My heart hurts thinking about all of this. But I've been meaning to share something (waiting til I could write eloquently about it...... but this will do for now.)
During a breathwork event with you..... I had the most amazing revelations. A series of things I already knew that floated across a black visual space and fell in place, fitting together like puzzle pieces.
1. I was a middle school teacher for years and loved it. But it is filled with bullying and drama. Parents would often get pretty freaked out by things their kids did or said. I didn't excuse hurtful behavior. But I did explain a lot of it like this: We hit a point around middle school age where we are learning about our power and control. That we can elicit various responses from others with our words and actions. We learn to manipulate. Often through bullying. We test to see how far those powers can go. How far our power can reach. It's awful and painful and very often wrong. It needs adults to step in. But it is also natural. And developmental. And even a little bit necessary as we learn to manage the world around us. And then later our empathy and critical thinking and emotional intelligence catches up..... and we bully less. Well, at least most of us do. Or at least we fine tune it into types of manipulation that are more socially acceptable and less obviously hurtful to others.
This was one of the puzzle pieces. Here was another. The one that caught me off guard.
2. America is young compared to other countries. Humans are young compared to other species. And we have made it through the baby/ toddler/ childhood stages. We are holding our own. Making it through. Building. Creating. Often even cooperating.
But MAYBE we have hit the "middle school" phase of development. As Americans or humans. The place where we have reached an apex of our bullying ability. The height of "how hard can I push" or "how much can I get." Maybe this is where we are in our evolution. A shitty place. A rough place. A challenging and frustrating place. But also a temporary place.
3. I LOVE MY MIDDLE SCHOOL KIDS! They are obnoxious. Outrageous. So often they are just wrong. But there they are trying to figure it out. Pushing. Hurting. Getting hurt. LEARNING how it all works. Not quite able to show enough compassion. Not yet. But I know that will come after we get through this stinky time. (Seriously ..... this age group even smells bad!)
4. So..... (And Scott, you have taught me this more than anyone else.) If this is who we are right now. Who we are surrounded by right now. This bullying pubescent space. Then maybe I can love them (us) for who they (we) are. And maybe I can trust that we will grow through and out of this phase. That empathy will come. Critical thinking will come. Maturity will come. Love and peace and goodness will come.
5. The last of the floating puzzle pieces I will share for today. My son wants to be a palenotologist. So all of his life (most of mine) we have been learning about dinosaur timelines. Time lines measured by millions and billions of years. Species that have emerged and grown and dominated and faded away. Vanished, only to be replaced by something new. Something that is "better" in one way or another. So I am recognizing that the timeline of my middle school analogy might be long. Maturing out of this space might not happen in my lifetime. Or my kids. In this moment during our breating experience - I felt like it might not even be humans! Maybe it will be whatever comes after us. Whatever comes next. Because in the total universal timeline, to think we are the ultimate creation is horribly vain.
The arc of the moral universe is long. So long. Longer than we can imagine. The sad news is we may have to recognize that it is so long that we may not see it bend. The good news is that it is so long that I have to believe it WILL eventually bend.
So many more thoughts..... really must try to put this together better. In my mind and on paper. But I wanted to share these after reading your message today.
So much love to you, Scott. It's a drop in the bucket. But the love that you share and I share and we share..... It matters. It makes a difference in the universe. That we must believe.
What powerful insights, Shelley! Thank you for taking the time to write them all out. I think you're onto something. So much love to you, dearest. 💜💜💜
This is incredible synchronicity, because just a few moments before this post arrived in my mailbox, I was telling my friend a very similar thing - that I don't know anymore how to live in this world where humans never stop hurting humans. I used to find peace of mind and the presence of love more easily. Recently my mind seems to be in incessant turmoil, and I'm feeling a kind of exhaustion and confusion I haven't experienced before.
What was my friend's advice: that he thinks the important thing is to focus on how I want to live, because I am not responsible for the whole world. And to create and value connections with fellow humans, since that's what we truly need as species.
Truly, our hearts don't lie when they speak to us in so many ways, quiet or loud, about what we really want in life, what gives us joy, what makes us feel right from the core. I believe that the tragedy of the human race is that so many of us have had this inherent connection to self severed while still very young, by older humans who were also wronged and disconnected from their own hearts. Why is it easier to put out someone's light than to accept one's own? Why have we come to trust what we've been told over what we feel?
I hope that amidst heartbreak I will somehow find enough acceptance to go on, and the way of being that aligns with my heart's longings.
Thanks for sharing such a heartfelt reflection, Matylda. Yes, I too feel the answer (at least one answer) is to sink more deeply into the wisdom of our hearts. There, it is only love that guides us. So much love to you. 💜🙏💜
Dearest Scott: Thank you so much for speaking what is inside of many hearts and minds. When I see the extremes of fear and control from humans, I remember that it was actually cooperation that kept our species going hundreds of thousands of years ago. The key was the small group, the trusted tribe. Anyone outside the trusted tribe was subject to violence from a perception (real or imagined) of defense.
Everyone attacks to defend from their point of view. Eventually, after agriculture, we began to think of the trusted tribe as the trusted political and cultural basis of the nation. We seem to have gotten stuck there in all sorts of ways. We have had alliances, but mostly with other cultures that are more like ours. In some respects, nationalism makes us fearful on a larger scale, is all. So, we have broadened our empathic horizons, but not nearly far enough. As you point out, though, as individuals, we can only model love as best we can. The future for the collective still remains for the making.
"The future for the collective still remains for the making." I appreciate this, Joanne. Thank you, and so much love to you. 💜🙏💜
Mm yes. Thank you Scott. We are a part of nature, but - as far as we understand - the only species that sits and thinks about our nature. To me that creates a duty to love, regardless of the outcome. Francis Weller in my grief ritual class talks about this time ahead as the Long Dark. And while that is a scary thought, it also can be a descent into the soul. We have to travel through darkness to get there, and hopefully more of our fellow species will accept the invitation to journey.
🩵
Thanks for the reflection, Ash. I was just introduced to Frances Weller's work and the Long Dark. Yes, let it sink us with even more commitment into our hearts, into love. Lots of love to you. 💜🙏💜
❤🧡💛💚💙💜
Love you xxoo
Love you too. 💜💜💜
I loved reading this open-hearted exploration. So candid yet warm
and hopeful. I don’t know how you’ve found a way to love yourself…it is palpable though and beautiful to witness.
Maybe you can share more about self-love and your journey with and to that. Maybe you already have!
Thank you for the goodness.
Thanks for the kind words, Vicki. Happy this essay resonated. Here's one I wrote about self-love basics that might interest you too: https://scottstabile.substack.com/p/how-do-we-actually-learn-to-love
Big love to you! 💜🙏💜
Dog eat dog ….and I am total
Agreement
Lots of love to you, dearest. 💜💜💜