Questions I'm asking myself these days.
And the answers are helping.
UPCOMING: Online Breathwork on Wednesday, Feb. 5th: Details HERE.
Hi Friends,
I’m a big fan of generative questions, questions that don’t invite a yes or no response, but encourage us to get curious and creative in our thinking. These types of questions can be particularly helpful when we feel stuck, when the voice of fear screams louder than the song of the heart.
As an example…
Let’s say I really don’t like my job and feel it’s taking a negative toll on my life. I’d love to find a new job that feels more in alignment with who I am and what I’d like to be doing, but I’m afraid to give up my paycheck and find something different.
I can ask myself, Should I quit my job and find something that’s a better fit for me?, to which my mind will likely respond, Hell no. And then it will continue, You won’t find a job that pays as well, you’re gonna run through your meager savings, there’s too much uncertainty to be job hunting right now, YOU’RE GONNA DIE!
Okay, the YOU’RE GONNA DIE is an exaggeration, but barely. Whenever we consider any change in our lives, especially the bigger ones, our minds will most likely enter the conversation with a resounding NO. Don’t do it. That’s fear talking. Though I know my fear is just trying to protect me from being hurt or uncomfortable, that fear is actually my friend, it’s also wildly irrational and hellbent on keeping me from making any changes that create discomfort, which as you know, disqualifies basically every change. Change is uncomfortable. A lot these days is uncomfortable.
So with the above example, rather than setting myself up for a no when my heart is a clear yes, how about this question instead: How can I go about searching for a new job in a relaxed way? Or this one: What steps can I take right now, without overwhelming myself, that will help me find a new job? Or this one: Who can I reach out to in my field that may be able to offer some help in the job hunt? Or this one: How can I create more acceptance and joy in my current job as I take steps to find something new?
All of the above questions invite me to get curious and creative with my responses. They keep me aligned with my heart’s yes (that it’s time to find a new job) without submitting to my mind’s no (that I will suffer if I do). Generative questions assume the yes and then ask us to imagine what it will take to realize it. And then rather than sitting in paralysis and doing nothing, we can look at our responses, and should we choose to, take some action in creating the change we seek. Baby steps count.
Many of the questions I’m asking myself these days relate to how I can engage with what’s happening in our country and around the world, while at the same time honoring my desire to create more peace, meaning, joy and connection in my life. No matter how fucked up we view our world to be, and no matter how much suffering, injustice and violence exist here, we can remain committed to the very real possibility of creating more peace, meaning, joy and connection in our lives. That commitment will serve not only ourselves but everyone else too.
Here are some of the questions I’m asking myself:
How can I go about creating more in-person connection in my life right now?
What are some practices that help me feel grounded during these challenging and unpredictable times?
What are some healthy boundaries I can set for myself regarding social media and news consumption?
What does being mindful with social media look and feel like to me?
How can I engage with media in a way that feels more intentional than reactive?
How can I go about feeling engaged (should I choose to) with what’s going on in our country without feeling completely overwhelmed by it?
What practices can I integrate to support myself when I am feeling overwhelmed by what’s going on in this country and around the world?
How can I best be of service in a way that also nourishes me?
What does being of service mean to me?
What are some local communities or organizations I feel called to serve in some way?
What aspects of my work do I find most fulfilling and how can I go about creating more opportunities and joy for myself by focusing on these aspects?
If any of these questions resonate with you, I invite you to take a little time and consider your answers to them, and then, should you choose to, honor those answers with some action. Remember: baby steps count.
Also, I would love to know what generative questions you’re asking yourselves these days. What questions are inspiring you to create a greater possibility of peace, meaning, joy, connection, or whatever else you’re seeking in your life? Please share.
I’ve been giving more energy to Insight Timer and recently took one of my essays here (A Pep Talk for You) and turned it into a meditation, so if you want/need a little pep talk, check it out HERE.
For those of you struggling with how to be and what to do right now, I encourage you to read the following essay by my dear friend Holly. I found it incredibly helpful and suspect you might too.
Yesterday, I gave a live talk on Insight Timer about communication, communed with some wise and loving men in my bi-monthly men’s group, and sat in (via Zoom) on a poetry group that has chosen Enough as You Are as the book from which they will get inspiration for their writing for the next several weeks. Each of these three events felt wildly fulfilling to me. It was one of the best days I’ve had lately. And each, to some degree, happened because I’m taking the time to ask myself more generative questions, and (at last!) honoring some of the answers I’m getting with action.
There is never a downside to prioritizing your well-being, to deciding that no matter what else is going on in the world, you will still consider how you can engage with yourself and others in ways that feel uplifting and supportive, in ways that honor the very real human desire for peace and joy and comfort. And there is never a downside to offering yourself acceptance, compassion and love, no matter how you are choosing to show up.
You are enough, as you are. I promise you this.
You are worthy, as you are. I promise you this.
You are strong, and beautiful, and loving, and needed, as you are. I promise you this.
You matter. I promise you this.
Thank you for being here. I appreciate you, and I love you.
Big Big Love,
Scott
YES WE CAN!
Love these questions, Scott! My favorite of yours is, "How can I best be of service in a way that also nourishes me?"
A question I like to ask myself, "Is there a way this can this be fun?" :)