It's okay honey, you're human.

So is everybody else.

Hi Friends,

I spoke with a friend last night who has been struggling lately. She told me that before we had gotten on the phone, she was on her treadmill eating a box of Jujubes. She needed the exercise to release some of her anxiety. And she needed the candy to quell some of the rest. I love the vision of her working out on her treadmill popping handfuls of rainbow-colored candies into her mouth, doing everything she felt she could do to create a little more peace in her life. I told her this was some seriously advanced self-care. Covering all angles. We laughed at how strange and desperate and beautiful and entirely human we are.

And that’s the thing, with you and me and everyone else: we’re human.

I get really freaking excited by our divinity, by understanding the energy that created the oceans and trees and planets and stars is alive with all of us, all the time. What a gift to have the source of all creation surging through our beings. And yet, often I need to remember my humanity. My humanness. The fact that I sometimes (even often) make choices that aren't the healthiest, that don't serve me in the most beneficial ways. That aren't aligned with my divine nature.

I’m done shaming myself though. Done suggesting I’m less than because of how I look or how I feel or what I think or what I’m doing. I’ve taken on a new practice I do throughout each day, and it’s incredibly easy. When my mind starts judging me for what I have or haven’t done, or what I’m thinking or not thinking about, I say the following to myself, with all the sweetness I can muster: It’s okay honey, you’re human. That’s it: It’s okay honey, you’re human. Sometimes I replace the honey with baby or sweetheart or even sugar, but you get the idea. This gentle reminder resets me every time and creates a bit more space for me to breathe.

It’s not you’re beautiful, or you’re worthy, or you’re enough, though I am all those things (as are you) and remind myself of them often, too. It’s okay honey, you’re human is less about building me up and more about offering me some grace. We’re human. Humans aren’t designed to be perfect, or always in their integrity, or effortlessly generous, or name that thing you wish you were but aren’t.

We don’t expect cars to fly us across the Atlantic, or to fly us anywhere. Cars drive. That’s what they do. We don’t condemn lions for eating gazelles. We might feel sad, sure, especially if we’re watching it happen, but lions eat gazelles. It’s what they do. I’ve never screamed at my oven to make me a smoothie or at my blender to bake me some bread. We are okay with things acting as they’re designed to act, except when it comes to ourselves. To human beings.

We humans are insane. We are envious, jealous, blameful, spiteful, unforgiving, vulgar beings. Sure, we’re a lot of beautiful things too, but let’s focus on the ugly so I can make my point. If we can learn to accept ourselves, the fullness of our humanity, all the beautiful and ugly bits, we are much more likely to generate love and create peace, with ourselves and with all the other hideous, gorgeous humans out there.

Try this: think of something you judge about yourself, something about which your mind can be relentlessly abusive. Now hold your hands over your heart, close your eyes and say out loud, the way you might to a child who just spilled his cup of milk, It’s okay honey, you’re human. Say it again, maybe whisper it, and really feel it this time. It’s okay honey, you’re human. Doesn’t that feel good? Gentle? Honest? Forgiving? Accepting? Isn’t this how we want to be with ourselves? It’s definitely how I want to be with myself. It beats the hell out of a typical mind retort, something in the family of you’re a worthless loser. Not even a honey in there. Our minds can be such assholes.

I love myself. A lot. The more I’ve grown to love myself, the less inclined I’ve become to beat myself up with all these abusive thoughts. What’s the point? I have never shamed myself into healing anything, so I started choosing to love myself instead. Even the gross parts. I’m an envious monster sometimes, and it’s no easy feat to love that part of my personality, but it feels a lot better than hating it, and a lot more honest than denying it. The great thing about loving ourselves is that we’re not required to like the parts of ourselves we choose to love. I don’t like my envy, but I love my envious self anyway. I can’t stand how judgmental I can be, but I’m committed to loving the hell out my judgmental self regardless. Why wouldn’t I? Why wouldn’t you?

It’s okay honey, you’re human is the voice of love. When I scarf a pint of cookies and cream in one sitting, I can call myself a piece of garbage who doesn’t care about his health, or I can enjoy the ice-cream and whisper to myself when I’m on the toilet later, it’s okay honey, you’re human. And here’s the thing: I’ve eaten a lot of ice-cream pints in one sitting and have torn myself a new asshole (figuratively and literally) afterwards, and it’s never stopped me from inhaling more pints of ice-cream. All the self-flagellation accomplished was making me feel disappointed and ashamed. Why not remove that and be left with the deliciousness of a pint of ice-cream, if that’s what I’m choosing.

You lose your shit when someone cuts you off in traffic: it’s okay honey, you’re human.

You spend a day on your phone or watching TV instead of doing the work that needs to be done: it’s okay honey, you’re human.

You fart in yoga class: it’s okay honey, you’re human.

You act like a total weirdo on that first date: it’s okay honey, you’re human.

You forget to tell yourself it’s okay honey, you’re human, and instead beat yourself up for a while: it’s okay honey, you’re human.

To be crystal clear, we don’t get to murder somebody and say it’s okay honey, you’re human, and all is well. No animal abuse, either. Or stealing. This isn’t a way for us not to take responsibility for our actions; it’s a gentle and realistic approach to honoring our humanity, whatever our actions.

I say it’s okay honey, you’re human to myself more than I say anything else these days. And it’s changed my life. I know I’ve got my back, no matter what. I feel more peaceful, more grounded, more okay with who I am, and with who others are. Because when I remind myself that I’m human, I’m inclined to remember that other people are human too. In my commitment to love myself more deeply, I automatically begin to offer others more love as well. That’s a great gift of self-love.

Let’s move into this new year with a clear commitment to be more gentle with ourselves (and each other) and to offer ourselves (and each other) more grace. We're all divine, yes, and we're all human, too. Such beautiful acceptance and compassion lives in this understanding.

Wishing you deep peace and so much Love,

Scott

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My visualization workshop, Imagine It!, begins next Monday, January 3rd! After three weeks together, you will have a journal filled with clear, bold visualizations, around which you can center your intentions and actions in order to align your reality more closely with your dreams. It’s going to be an incredibly powerful way to come into the new year. Go HERE for details and registration.

In February, I’ll be one of many wonderful teachers as part of Heal + Create, a two-week virtual retreat dedicated to personal transformation, healing and creative living. Go HERE for details and registration. Early bird rates are underway right now!