Gym fight!

Photo by Zdeněk Macháček on Unsplash

If you haven’t already, please consider pre-ordering my upcoming book, Enough as You Are, at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or Indiebound. Thank you!

Upcoming Events: Writing Yourself workshop on Saturday, May 27th; Live Your Truth retreat in Spain from August 31st - September 6th.

---

Hi Friends,

A few weeks ago at the gym, two beefy muscle guys started arguing near the free weights. I had headphones on, my gym rock playlist on shuffle, Rush’s Tom Sawyer blasting in my ears, when I heard some loud voices getting louder. I pulled off my headphones and saw the men, each at least 6 feet tall and 200+ pounds, shouting in each other’s face and what felt like moments away from striking blows. I heard at least one let’s take this outside. Everyone in the free weights vicinity stopped what they were doing to watch.

For a moment I considered walking over to the men to try and diffuse the situation but decided I didn’t want to get punched in the face. I like my face and happen to have a markedly low pain threshold. There’s a good chance your 3 is my 10 when it comes to pain.

As I cowed to my fear I watched another man, around my size, walk up to the two fighters and insert himself between them. Initially, they both gave him a who are you and what the fuck are you doing here look. Things shifted fast though. I couldn’t hear what the mediator was saying, but he spoke back and forth to them calmly, seeming entirely grounded and confident. The fighters engaged with him and appeared to be defending their actions. He listened and responded to each of them. After only a couple minutes or so, one of the guys patted the mediator on the shoulder and walked away. Fight averted.

I walked up to the mediator a bit later and thanked him for setting such a strong example of peace. He reached out his hand and introduced himself as Kevin. He was very kind and gentle. He told me he does conflict resolution for his work and is constantly dealing with people at odds with one another. He seemed wholly unfazed by having put himself between two very strong, angry men.

I thought about Kevin a lot after watching what he did at the gym. I thought about what’s possible when we’re clear and grounded in our intention and enter into a situation with that clarity and sense of purpose. Kevin clearly trusted in himself to diffuse the argument between those two men. He didn’t hesitate. If there was any fear, he didn’t let it stop him. He knew what he was capable of, believed in himself, and walked right into the middle of a fight. At least that’s how I experienced his actions.

There’s so much to learn from this example, and for me the crux of the learning comes back to energy, and the reality that we tend to magnetize the energy we put out. Which is to say, when we believe in ourselves and what we’re capable of creating, there’s a much better chance we’ll realize our desires.

How many difficult but necessary conversations have you avoided because you didn’t want to deal with the discomfort or pain or potential disappointment that might have come from talking things out? I’m probably avoiding at least one such conversation right now. You probably are, too.

But what’s possible when we enter into a difficult conversation with a commitment to be peaceful and loving, to really listen to the other person, and to avoid turning them into a villain? Surely the probability of a more amicable resolution increases. It’s hard to go to war with someone unwilling to fight you back.

Seeing Kevin deescalate the conflict between those two men reminded me how powerful we all can be — we all are — when we feel aligned with a sense of worthiness and purpose. That word purpose is one I often avoid because it can carry with it a lot of pressure, but it doesn’t have to. In one moment my purpose may be to be as kind as possible to the barista making my coffee, in another moment to connect with the natural world in a meaningful way, and in still another to have that hard conversation I’ve been putting off.

There are so many situations in our lives that stir within us fear, anxiety or insecurity, and the belief that we can’t face whatever we need to in a way that will create peace. And yet, when we have faith in ourselves and what we have to offer, there’s no saying what we can create. That faith doesn’t just happen with the snap of our fingers, but with a willingness and commitment to love ourselves and acknowledge how dynamic and powerful we can be. From here, we’ll begin living into what our hearts know to be true about us, and that sure as hell beats shrinking under the lies our minds are inclined to tell us about ourselves.

Self-love is a skill, and like any skill, the more we practice at it, the better we become. Let’s stop underestimating ourselves. We are powerful beyond measure in our truth, and intention, and love.

Let’s stop putting off what it is we feel called to do, or need to do, because we’re afraid of the outcome. We can imagine the outcome we want to create, and then root ourselves in the energy we need to connect with in order to create it. And then, as much as possible, trust in whatever outcome is revealed. We don’t have control over how things work out, but we do have a say in how we show up to work them out.

If another fight breaks out at the gym, I can’t promise you I’ll intervene. In fact, if I were a betting man, I’d guess I would consider it longer than I did last time, maybe even take a couple steps toward the conflict, and then succumb to my fear of getting punched in the face. But those couple steps would be progress, wouldn’t they? Even baby steps count as we move forward into a more fully realized life. Hell, sometimes I’m grateful to even be crawling.

I love you. You’re beautiful, and worthy, and more powerful than you know.

With big gratitude and bigger love,

Scott